DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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