overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
