i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
