I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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