it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
