I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You need a sexual gate keeper
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
