if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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