He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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