Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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