Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
