any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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