so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
