I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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