If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
