My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
