It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
