he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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