i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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