You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
