Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
