I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
