im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
this will be a night to untag.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
