I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
