my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
