I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
