he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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