Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
