She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
