Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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