My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
