my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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