we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
