I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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