I wish I only lived at night.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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