those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
