all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
