Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize