The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
