i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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