He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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