I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
