I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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