Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
