I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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