I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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