After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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