New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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