Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
