i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
