I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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