oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
