put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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