I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
