Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
