is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
