Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
